Friday, September 27, 2013

passing fascinations: vicious lies and dangerous rumors



December of last year, Outkast's Big Boi released his second solo album "Vicious Lies and Dangerous Rumors". Many were supremely let down, dubbed it as artistic restlessness, and a confused mess of undeveloped ideas. While others, aggressively disagreed (me being one of them). I fucking love this album. It's courageous, it's beautiful, it's diverse, I dig all 54 minutes of it and the 17 different vibes conveyed through it's 17 tracks. Big Boi is an ingenious producer, and collaborates with a varying cluster of musicians- Little Dragon, Jai Paul, Mouche & Scar, to name a few. But I dig this album not because I love every song intensely, but it's ballsy. He is basically saying fuck you to the preconceived universal notion that albums have to be a certain way. It instead he creates a piece of art, incorporating a myriad of different musical concepts into one eclectic roller coaster of fat tunes. The song above is one of the track's Little Dragon is on, called "Descending". When I first heard this a few weeks ago, I cried, and then listened to it 30 times. If Big Boi and Little Dragon got together and made a full length album, it'd be like this, and you want that.


 Enjoy, and check out the album to find your hang.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

4 lara bear

i love you lara, happy birthday
09/21/13


© Sakaye 2013. All rights reserved.


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Monday, September 9, 2013

pandora's box of redundancy

     Letting go of people we love is inevitably one of the hardest things to face. For those of us who have lost people due to illness, time, and unexpected disasters, acceptance is the only way to deal with it. When my Grandmother died a couple years ago, my family and I had no choice but to let her go, carry on her legend, and accept that we would miss her eternally. Even though much time has passed, I still find times when all I want to do is hear her laugh, talk to her about my life, hear her stories- I fantasize about picking up the phone and hearing her voice.
     But what happens when you lose someone, but this time you CAN pick up the phone and hear their  voice? This no longer becomes a matter of what is physically possible, but a matter that involves the protection of your heart, your soul, and your mental health. This is a very specific situation; I'm referring to someone who has fucked you over, manipulated you, used you, hurt you, and other shit- but because your a bad mother fucker, you emancipated him or her from your life. I'm sure you can think of at least one person who fits this description (and if not you are very lucky).
     To begin, CONGRATULATIONS, because this distinct form of "letting go" is really difficult. Especially for ladies who love broken boys hiding behind the gaunter of excruciatingly good looking manly men...  this is a hard relationship to end because naturally we are women and lust after this "want what you can't have"/ masochistic/ /"i'm going to take care of you because your lost and need my guidance" deal. But there comes a time when our hearts are so abused from confusion, sorrow, anger, and disappointment that eventually enough is enough and FUCK YEAH, you get rid of them. You've finally moved on... and then it comes back to bite you in the ass.
     This is where that seemingly utopian phone call begins to cross our minds. Often times when we want to reconnect with someone, it is because we are convinced that there are things to be said and issues to face... It's all okay because we have moved on, we can face it all and come out unscathed. We rationalize the situation and bring up concepts of "no regrets" and "closure". We think we are being rational, and that we have learned to protect ourselves, however this is probably false.
     Obviously I am speaking from very personal experience. Even when I chose to eliminate the source of a lot of pain from my life, occasionally I would relapse and come across that impulsive desire to "tie up loose ends" with him. A very close friend of mine told me that picking up the phone would be like "opening pandora's box", exposing myself to all the horrors that made me have no choice but to walk away in the first place- history has a way of repeating itself.
      Keep in mind, I am in no way saying that if you feel like there are things to be said to an old lover, apologies to be made, relationships to mend that you should not revisit them. Hell yeah, I am a huge advocate for that. BUT in certain specific situations (these situations), really think about, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO GAIN? a rehabilitated ego? confirmation that you made the right choice? some sort of sappy apology? one last fuck??
STOP YOURSELF.
DO NOT GO BACK MOTHER FUCKER. 
DO NOT OPEN PANDORA'S BOX.

xoxo thx sry 4 yelling

in actuality, that's all great, but when you REALLY want to pick up the phone, distract your impulsive little self by dancing to this song, and i'm sure you will forget about it 





© Sakaye 2013. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

my masochistic love affair with nostalgia


     The concept of nostalgia is something that has embellished and haunted my sense of remembrance for quite awhile. Dating back to 1668, it's been referred to as a mental disease, homesickness, and now simply as a sentimental longing for the past. I refer to it, however, as the unexpected contemplation of wonderful memories of my simple "childhood" which make me feel like shit about my current situation (I say this in the most dramatic way possible of course) as a maturing woman.
     It's really fucking weird, when some sort of sensory thing triggers an encounter with a vivid depiction of a time or a person or a place.. Rather abruptly you are taken back to this segment of your life which appears as a distorted blur of happiness. If only you could abandon the present and wallow in the past which, with the ticking of the clock, has transformed into a very abstract memory. This overwhelming feeling, "nostalgia", is what I am talking about and we all know it quite well.
     But lately as nostalgia appears as a close and comforting old friend, I am struck rather abruptly with the notion that I am yearning to be in this moment that I don't think I fully appreciated at the time.
    One way I look at it is that sometimes in life we spend a great deal of time "searching" for these ravishing moments where we are I guess, content, fulfilled, happy. We finally get a little dosage of this, but due to the distractions of bul shit which interrupt the peace of our bodies and our minds, we forget to fully appreciate them. They immediately vanish and are forgotten about. However, time passes and one day we are are greeted by a distinct smell, old photos lost on our computer, the vibrations of an old favorite song, or we spontaneously find ourselves back at a distant location, all little details that seem like portions of our past lives- but  suddenly we are forced down this path way of reminiscence, we start to miss it a little, get a little sappy, maybe a little upset, this is nostalgia.
     Whether you look at it as brief mental time travel or reminiscing on the days gone by, this "feeling"  forces us to see our past as seductive and intriguing, yet often times it leaves us with an eerie gleam casted over our lives which we cannot seem to stop dwelling on.
      Looking back on my past years of adolescence- the friends I had, the humble places where we killed time, the "things" we did that managed to bring us all together- I remember it as a blur of euphoria, it all appears rather picture perfect- and naturally I am filled with this "longing for the past,". But contrary to these romantic memories floating about in my mind, things really weren't so picture perfect. It is just nostalgia allowing me to remembering these fragments of the past with these glasses of optimism and idealism.
     But why is that? According to various research, your mental, emotional and neurophysiological states define specific moments in your life, but as you look back on it it's not even possible to put yourself back in the same mental state you were in before, SO as you change, so does the way you perceive this memory, altering it's emotional representation. Professor David H. Sanford (1979) described nostalgia as "positively toned evocation of the past, the nostalgic experience is infused with imputations of past beauty, pleasure, joy, satisfaction, goodness, happiness, love", and this is EXACTLY what makes remembering so god damn seductive, alluring, and romantic.
      In whatever way we are affected by the traces of time or however progressing neurophysical states alter our memories, nostalgia allows us to remember the past in the most picture-esque light, and whether it truly was that way at the time, doesn't really matter. All the time people recall portions of the past as "the good ol' days, the happiest days of their lives", but it couldn't possibly of been that simple. Perhaps we'll say the same when we look back on these times, with our distorted hazy blurry blissful optimistic glasses of nostalgia and remember everything beautifully.
And really, that is comforting enough.
                   

art by Lara Edwards


With that being said I really want to have a playlist centered around this because music has been the most nostalgia inducing thing for me, but that is very personal so I can't put up a FEEL NOSTALGIC PLAYLIST, because that is something you have to do on your own. however, I can make a playlist that tries to embody a nostalgic vibe which is basically that whole bitter sweet pensive thing/ or in other words what I'm trying to do which is, 
i'm stoked about being sad about stuff


photo by Cheli Veloz

   
art by Lara Edwards


© Sakaye 2013. All rights reserved.

Monday, September 2, 2013

passing fascinations: galaxie 500

This is my first of hopefully many "passing fascinations". Due to life, I have struggled with finding the time and sometimes the motivation to stay ceaselessly devoted to this little blog. However, posting to it is something that I really enjoy. Often times, one simple post will turn into an extensive piece of writing, a huge collaborative effort, or anything else that embodies my obsessively thorough virgo tendencies. "Passing fascinations" is my quick and brief way of sharing the various little fixations which color my daily world. Once or twice a month I will post an album/song/or band I've been listening to, a book I read recently, an article, or any other little thing I find interesting that doesn't need a detailed description/ reflection to go along with it.

GALAXIE 500
  • 1986-1991
  • formed in cambridge, massachusetts, met in new york city at dalton high school, all attended harvard university together (holy shit) 
  • genre: dream pop, slowcore (they signaled the shoegazer and slow core movements of the 90s) 
  • band members: drummer: damon krukowski vocalist/guitarist: dean wareham bassist: naomi yang
  • identified influences: jonathan richman and the velvet underground (all hail) 
  • dreamy, enigmatic, eerie, slow moving, ambient
^ALL IMPORTANT TO KNOW, BUT HONESTLY JUST FUCKING LISTEN TO THEM 



"Today" is their first album and was released in 1998 under Aurora Records. "Flowers", the first tune, and "King of Spain" (skip to 36:32 if you are impatient) are my favorite favorite song on this album, makes me feel warm as shit on the inside, I can't get enough of this record right now. ah.


"When new bands play guitar music heavy on reverb and slow in tempo-- a combination that drapes tunes in a sublimely druggy dream-pop haze-- I can be slow to embrace them. It's not that there isn't plenty of good music in this vein being made. It's that one band, 20 years ago, did this sound so well and with so much personality, they set a difficult standard for newcomers to meet." -pitchfork talking about galaxie 500 read the review of their short but very influential career here



© Sakaye 2013. All rights reserved.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

sensations of reawakening

Spring: a peaceful transition from the melancholy & distant winter into the nauseating & intoxicating summer. Spring passes by quickly, often forgotten. It seems to only serve as a lighthouse of expectancy. The days grow longer and the comforting warmth of the sun presents itself as a sneak peak of summer, teasing every inch of our fatigued and overworked little bodies. But on a perfect spring day, inklings of 90 degree summer humidity are no where to be found, and the neglected segment of late march to late june can be fully appreciated. A rejuvenating breeze makes an emergence and sensations of reawakening levitate in the newly floral scented air. Fall through winter I have drowned in inordinate apprehension and disquietude; faced with the realities of chores, stress, and assignments which seemed unfeasible. With spring, even amongst the final bits and pieces of unwanted exertion, I have welcomed an old friend; sense of mental repose, content with solitude, bliss and tranquility. The sun greets me warmly, the breeze is gracious. I don't mind waiting for summer. 

In the midst of taking these photos, the film in the camera unhooked itself, was unable to rewind, and ultimately turned the majority of our photos to shit. This is the last picture we took before the incident and it just so happens to be my favorite. I love the way the obstinate film ceased the creation of the image two thirds of the way through. The disheveled character of the photo serves as a memoir to the pictures we lost, which would have been erased from our memory otherwise.  


And as a side note, Thee Oh Sees new album "Floating Coffin" is fucking incredible and you should listen to it. This is a video from a few days ago at L'Antipode Rennes in Rennes, France of "Minotaur"- the last song on the album and a great spring jam. 

they'll be playing at fyf, which i must add has a amazing crazy killer line up this year

artwork by Lillye Hope Dlugach, contact at lillyed@mac.com

© Sakaye 2013. All rights reserved.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

a brief introduction

In an attempt to share my indulgences, I have officially made a blog. I hope that the things I write and share will not only intrigue you, but inspire you in some small (or substantial) way. This will also serve as an outlet for my meditations and fascinations- a diary meant to echo and track the things that fuel different aspects of my life. I eagerly anticipate the connections I will find between the things I think, care, and dream about. . 
In the months to come you can expect to watch, view, and read things by me & by other young artists involving , art & music, books & movies, fashion & style, health & food, spirituality & sexuality, explorations & discoveries, real life occurrences & figments of my imagination




photography by Cheli Veloz, 
taken in Highland Park, Los Angeles California 


artwork by Claire Calvert


© Sakaye 2013. All rights reserved.