pandora's box of redundancy

     Letting go of people we love is inevitably one of the hardest things to face. For those of us who have lost people due to illness, time, and unexpected disasters, acceptance is the only way to deal with it. When my Grandmother died a couple years ago, my family and I had no choice but to let her go, carry on her legend, and accept that we would miss her eternally. Even though much time has passed, I still find times when all I want to do is hear her laugh, talk to her about my life, hear her stories- I fantasize about picking up the phone and hearing her voice.
     But what happens when you lose someone, but this time you CAN pick up the phone and hear their  voice? This no longer becomes a matter of what is physically possible, but a matter that involves the protection of your heart, your soul, and your mental health. This is a very specific situation; I'm referring to someone who has fucked you over, manipulated you, used you, hurt you, and other shit- but because your a bad mother fucker, you emancipated him or her from your life. I'm sure you can think of at least one person who fits this description (and if not you are very lucky).
     To begin, CONGRATULATIONS, because this distinct form of "letting go" is really difficult. Especially for ladies who love broken boys hiding behind the gaunter of excruciatingly good looking manly men...  this is a hard relationship to end because naturally we are women and lust after this "want what you can't have"/ masochistic/ /"i'm going to take care of you because your lost and need my guidance" deal. But there comes a time when our hearts are so abused from confusion, sorrow, anger, and disappointment that eventually enough is enough and FUCK YEAH, you get rid of them. You've finally moved on... and then it comes back to bite you in the ass.
     This is where that seemingly utopian phone call begins to cross our minds. Often times when we want to reconnect with someone, it is because we are convinced that there are things to be said and issues to face... It's all okay because we have moved on, we can face it all and come out unscathed. We rationalize the situation and bring up concepts of "no regrets" and "closure". We think we are being rational, and that we have learned to protect ourselves, however this is probably false.
     Obviously I am speaking from very personal experience. Even when I chose to eliminate the source of a lot of pain from my life, occasionally I would relapse and come across that impulsive desire to "tie up loose ends" with him. A very close friend of mine told me that picking up the phone would be like "opening pandora's box", exposing myself to all the horrors that made me have no choice but to walk away in the first place- history has a way of repeating itself.
      Keep in mind, I am in no way saying that if you feel like there are things to be said to an old lover, apologies to be made, relationships to mend that you should not revisit them. Hell yeah, I am a huge advocate for that. BUT in certain specific situations (these situations), really think about, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO GAIN? a rehabilitated ego? confirmation that you made the right choice? some sort of sappy apology? one last fuck??
STOP YOURSELF.
DO NOT GO BACK MOTHER FUCKER. 
DO NOT OPEN PANDORA'S BOX.

xoxo thx sry 4 yelling

in actuality, that's all great, but when you REALLY want to pick up the phone, distract your impulsive little self by dancing to this song, and i'm sure you will forget about it 

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